THE VISCIOUS CYCLE OF DATING
So I started the day with a text from my bestie, ‘I hate dating and men.’ Rash. But valid. We’ve all been there ladies! And for some of us more than others. Cue me consoling her, praising her for putting herself out there and analyzing the ‘red flags’ together before getting on with my hectic day. I ended my day with a phone call from the guy I’d been seeing for a month ending our ‘relationship.’ Once again, in just under 3 months, I’ve been completely blindsided. Which is a rarity for me, someone who’s gut usually gives them all the anxious feels. But not this time.
If I knew the answers I would preach them, but I don’t. If I could find a way to explain this phenomenon of flippant, short lived, commitment lacking dating I would. Instead I’m just a girl putting herself out there constantly in search for the elusive unicorn, with a heavy heart of let downs, rejections and what seems like constant false hope.
It’s been too long on the merry go round. Living the cycle of swiping, liking, matching, talking, meeting, getting confused and then abruptly ending has become the expected pattern of my love life. Which is hardly something to aspire to but also something I know I only have 50% of a say in.
For these patterns to change, it’s society’s acceptance of these behaviors that needs to be modified. Less acceptance of being stuffed around, helping support people in standing up for themselves and respecting themselves enough to expect to be treated with honesty and worth and nothing less. I know many girls who don’t demand explanations, who don’t say what they think or feel and then wonder why dating doesn’t go to plan. On the flip side, I’m someone who has grown more ruthless in my old age. I’ve been on the merry go round enough to know what I want, what I deserve and what I need. And I voice that. More of us need to voice our desires. Our needs. Our expectations. And importantly, our boundaries.
If you want that unicorn, don’t chase donkeys (or for those in the PG camp, asses). Dream big. Hold expectations high. Have faith. And be the real you. Your unicorn is coming.