AGAIN. ONE LITTLE WORD. SO MANY BIG EMOTIONS.
Once again my heart has been hurt. My eyes have welled with tears. My feelings are raw. And I’ve been let down by the dregs of the male species. This one in particular, had no red flags that had presented themselves in the mere 5 week situation-ship we had dalliances with. A non- smoker, who baked gluten free brownies for his housemate that was feeling down, read books about coding, learnt Spanish in his lunch break and had, what he described, as a good relationship with his family. He gave me some much needed hope that perhaps something could become of nothing.
However, this evening, he sent a text. Ending things before they even really began. Here’s me, semi blindsided and not understanding why, and then there’s him, signing off his dumping text with a thumbs up emoji. Mate. Just don’t! Thumbs up emoji’s are for the likes of driving instructors and mum’s who are excited about using emoji’s for the first time. Not from a potential partner. And especially not post ending an almost relationship. Which probably only deserves the emoji with the middle finger up in response anyway.
In the moments of processing this disappointment I decided that, ‘The man who turned out to be a boy with no red flags,’ actually did have red flags. The very fact that he didn’t appear to have any seemed too good to be true. I recall myself only days ago thinking about this very conundrum. And now I see clearly that no red flags might very well mean they are hidden like shipwrecked treasure that just doesn’t want to be found. Seeping out in other ways or later down the road of the relationship when there is far too much invested from both or one party. No one has no red flags. No one is perfect. We are all flawed in some crazy, amazing way. I’ve deduced that a person with no red flags is obviously and clearly hiding something.
As much as this sucks. As much as I’m sad and over putting myself out there to find that special person, I can say with absolute certainty that I dodged a bullet. As much as these are let downs, they are also blessings. I can’t give up on finding, searching, looking for him. That’s just who I am. I can’t stop that desire I have to be with a companion who I can give my all to, who enhances my life and who together we make each other feel so special. This is the pipe dream. My pipe dream. But sometimes, dreams come true. And I guess I’ll just keep living my own other big dreams until that one finally comes true.
Conveniently, if you want to hear more. Tune into Episode One of my podcast The Foddercast, tomorrow. Follow on Twitter #foddercast or Instagram @thefoddercast.