WELL, I’VE WAITED. AND I’M STILL WAITING.
It began on the weekend. When I was confronted with a blast from the past. In hindsight, I knew that all I wanted was a friendship like we had had so long ago with someone new that could give me everything. I reflected. I realised, why on earth am I lurking on dating apps trying to find ‘him’? Why am I setting myself up to fail with each unresponded to text? Why am I waiting for ‘him’ to initiate, organise or even put in effort? I shouldn’t be waiting for these things. Society tells me to expect these things in a potential suitor. I look for these things and when I don’t see them, I am once again forlorn and back in the trenches, fighting the internal battle that I face daily. Guns ablaze, I need to re calibrate my search. For probably the 24th time, change tactic and retreat.
I get that it takes time to develop something meaningful. And I’m prepared to put in that time. However, what happens if all the males I give my time to, end up cutting my off after 2 -3 months due to their own commitment issues etc? I get that males take longer for the penny to drop than females. I get it. I do. But I’m tired of it. I’m tired of being let down, being replaced, being let go of, being ghosted, being bailed on, being stuffed around, being told to ‘find it when I’m not expecting it.’ I’ve always loved this one in particular. How can one not expect to find someone when all they are expecting around each and every corner, every library shelf and every supermarket aisle is to meet someone that could be the one they have searched for?
In order to deal with this barrage of turmoil, I created a group on Facebook to support, inspire and listen to single ladies in the same position as me. Those girls who have exhausted all options. Who need a pat on the back for letting their heart get hurt time and time again and STILL going back for more. For those girls who want someone to enhance their already amazing life and don’t need someone to complete it. This group helps me feel less alone in the trenches of laziness, inconsistency and douchebaggery. But in saying that, I still feel alone.
The toughest part is, like many other single women out there, I know what I want. In searching for that, 88% of the male population have already been culled. My options are running out. Dating is like climate change. We’re doing this to ourselves. There’s solutions, like real life, face to face chatting, but we refuse to make this a reality. I just want something real, true, meaningful and nice to last for once. Then I’ll finally know that the waiting was worth it.
*Facebook group is called Girls just want to have dates… and jump on my Instagram @lessonsinlust101 for daily poetry to inspire and uplift.